Does it ever feel like everyone around you has totally got their shit together while you have no clue what you are doing? Almost like you are stumbling around in a dark room blind.
You look to your friends on social media and are jealous of how they always have time to see their friends, while you lack the energy or time to fit in a coffee date.
You look at your colleague that strides into work with her gym bag proudly tossed over her shoulder quietly reminding you that she had enough determination to wake up early and exercise. You on the other hand stayed in bed desperate to get moments extra sleep.
And do not even get me started on those friends of friends that you hear about buying their first house while you are stuck living at home or squashed in share houses.
It can feel like everyone is running laps around you right now while you are stuck in the same spot, worrying do I have it right?
I want to give you the straight, honest, no bullshit answer that you seriously need to hear right now.
You are not doing anything wrong. You are not behind. You are not a lost cause.
You are human.
And guess what, those people you are watching claiming they have perfect lives, they are human as well and have their own doubts, fears and insecurities they face everyday like you.
It’s time you get really real with yourself and realise that the only person who is making you feel this way, who is making you feel inferior is yourself.
Let’s dive into this concept for one moment.
- A friend has a coffee date and you immediately take it as an example that you are a bad friend because you haven’t had time to catch up with girlfriends.
- A person gets to gym in the morning and you take the chance to critique yourself for how big you are getting because you don’t have the dedication to wake up early and exercise. You are so lazy, and feeling puffy in your clothes ensues.
- Finally, someone else reaches a milestone of purchasing their first home (for whatever reason they were able to do this at this stage in their life) and you get reminded of the fact you will never reach that.
What do all of these situations have in common?
Your mind takes an outside situation that in all honesty has nothing to do with you and makes it 100% about you and why you suck as a person.
Your mind, that inner voice that often speaks to you has the chance in each of these occasions to flare up and tell you that they are doing better than you and beat down on where you are in life.
So how can you overcome these moments that can send you into a downward spiral of everyone-has-everything-worked-out-and-I-have-nothing?
1// Tend to your own garden
Realise that other people’s life events, beliefs, wins and losses don’t affect who you are.
Just because your friend went and caught up with their friends does not automatically make them a good friend, and because you didn’t doesn’t automatically make you a bad friend.
That event your friend had has nothing to do with you and how you should feel about yourself.
Think of somebody’s life as a circle, and your circle doesn’t touch their circle, just like what they do doesn’t affect what you do.
If someone has time to catch up with friends and post it on social media does not mean you are a good friend or a bad friend.
2// Ramp up the kindness
I know personally that when I am feeling negative, critiquing myself it is a huge reminder that I need to be kind to myself. When I start to think someone else is doing amazing things it unfortunately means I am pretty close to or already hating on myself.
So each time this occurs, when I feel myself being overly critical it is important to remind myself do I like the way I am talking to myself?
If I heard someone else speak to themselves this way, what would I think, how would I act?
From this I start to think about changing this, by focusing on how I can talk to myself to uplift and support me.
Sometimes it might mean I need to fix something, try harder but it comes from a loving, compassionate place and not self-loathing.
There is a big different feeling the need to exercise because I feel like a puffy slob, opposed to wanting to because I haven’t exercised recently and I’ve missed it and the way it makes me feel.
3// Give yourself the present of presence
Whenever I am stuck in my head thinking the worst about myself or those around me it is a constant reminder that I need to get back into the present moment.
When you are so focused on where you are, what you are doing, and engaged in the present moment your mind doesn’t have time to side track you.
Your mind will constantly look to solve past problems or stop you hurting from future ones. But when you are engaged in the present moments these thoughts cannot survive.
Get back into the present moment knowing that what your friends, acquaintances and people you follow on social media has nothing to do with you.
There are my best three tips to help you overcome that feeling you get when you think someone else has it totally worked out better than you or is doing a million things better than you.
It isn’t easy, let’s be real, you have to continually practice this, but the more you focus on your own self, be kind to yourself and patient the more you will be able to handle when those negative feelings pop up.